The Nanny Diaries -- Emma Mcluaghlin/Nicola Kraus

Genre: Chick Lit

Awards: NYT Bestseller: Motion Picture (does that count as an award?)

First Line: Every season of my nanny career kicked off with a round of interviews so surreally similar that I'd often wonder if the mothers were slipped a secret manual at the Parents League to guide them through.

Best line:I realize from their glazed smiles that they've just cast me in every nanny-themed porn film ever screened in their frat house basements.

Book Blurb: Who wouldn't want this job? Struggling to graduate from NYU and afford her microscopic studio apartment, Nanny takes a position caring for the only son of the wealthy X family. She rapidly learns the insane amount of juggling involved to ensure that a Park Avenue wife, who doesn't work, cook, clean, or raise her own child, has a smooth day.

When the Xs' marriage begins to disintegrate, Nanny ends up involved way beyond the bounds of human decency or good taste. Her tenure with the X family becomes a nearly impossible mission to maintain the mental health of their four-year-old, her own integrity, and, most important, he rsense of humor. Over nine tense months, Mrs. X and Nanny perform the age-old dance of decorum and power as they test the limits of modern-day servitude.

The Critics Say: As a satire, it's brilliantly funny. As a novel. . .not so much. Plot and characterization are ignored in favor of hilarious tidbits and observations of the elite. Addictive to read, funny. . .exactly what you expect out of your chicklit.

I say: I confess. I'm guilty. I couldn't put the book down. Read it in one night. Beautifully contrived voice: Nanny's observations move the book along. It loses steam when the writers veer from their social satire: sure, there's the boyfriend, graduation, rooming issues. . .but let's be honest, that's all kind of boring and vague. The boyfriend is "perfect." The mother is "wonderful." The apartment is "small." And. . .that's enough for that. In the same way, the entire X family, around whom the story revolves, are just basic archetypes. Mom is frosty and cold, Dad philanders, and the son is cute as a button.

The book is saved by a savvy voice, quick pacing, and countless one-liners. It's a breathless read as one situation boils into another, then another, then another. The parties begin innocuous enough, but by the end there are frosting fights with cokehead mothers, parties with affairs occuring alongside costumed masquerades, and a delightful explosion in Nantucket -- made even the more delightful with the addition of a cute puppy, a cantankerous grandma, and the simple fact that the setting is Nantucket, rather than the Hamptons.

And, by the by, if you've seen the movie and come to the conclusion that it was awful (which is was) don't let that sour you on the book. Nanny, though slightly martyred in the novel, has a generally pragmatic approach, and the events shape the book more than the movie. Plus, it avoids all the schmaltz at the end.

Recommendation: If you have balls, avoid at all costs. If you are snooty and look down upon chick lit, avoid at all costs. If you want a light book to read at the beach, this one is a step above most of those "women looking for love" stories, and has a bit more heft. Do not plan on getting any smarter reading this.

Ratings: Overall: B

Plot: B-

Pacing: A

Characterization: F

Writing: A-

The Innkeepers' Song -- Peter S. Beagle

Genre: Fantasy

Awards: Locus

First Line: Once there was a village on a river in a southern country.

Best Line: She was gone into the emptiness before I could call; and before I could reach it myself, it had snapped shut and vanished, leaving nothing behind but a sagging, crumbling wall in a little wrecked room full of the sound of her name.

Book Blurb: In this extraordinary fantasy novel of love and death, young Tikat enters a shadow world of magic and mystery as he searches for the lover whose death and resurrection he witnessed. It is a wild ride that sets him on the trail of three cloaked women who are blessed--or cursed--to undertake an impossible mission of their own. All their fates will be irrevocably linked in a far distant inn, but it is not until the arrival of the once-powerful mentor who has summoned the three women that the true quest will begin. For he, who has been the greatest of wizards, lingers at the edge of death. And only they can save him from this doom brought on by an enemy who is heir to all the wizard's magic.

The Critics Say: Well, the book won the Locus Award, so the scifi, fantasy contingent is strongly behind. Regrettably, mainstream critics tend to avoid reading genre fiction, making it difficult to garner a comprehensive view of the critical reception of a fantasy book. All critics appear in agreement that characterization is strong, that Beagle is a fantasy giant, though some say that this novel in particular is a bit rambling.

I say: Genre fiction be damned, this is one of my favorite books of all time. Beagle is to fantasy what Faulkner is to regional literature (and just wait until I get started on my Faulkner collection!) Beagle follows traditional fantasy tropes: the peasant on a quest, the woman warrior, the good wizard v. bad wizard, etc. etc. However, the story is narrated in first-person, varying perspective from each of these characters, digging into their psyches in such a way as to shatter the archetype.

It would be impossible to disagree with the review stating that the novel meanders: at times it seems too big for this one novel. Each character is so alive, that the book seems more a culmination of a series of other books, and the reader sometimes is left wondering what happened in the past. What did Lal and Soukyan do before this? Who is the fox? What is the magician's past. Beagle, never the most prolific of writers, leave this open to the imagination, just as he leaves the end of the novel open. It is a brief glimpse into a world, into a mission, of sorts, for a small town, and left at that. For these characters it is epic: yet the world is not saved, and there is an implication that tertiary characters never recognize that anything has happened.

Sorry, ramble. The book is beautifully written, lyrical. Like Faulkner, Beagle does not shy away from embracing all character's viewpoints. He cleverly allows character's to narrate just the right sections, so as not to give away their secrets, without seeming sly or untrustworthy. It is impossible not to fall in love with each character, not to cry a little at the end.

Recommendation: I'll be honest. Some people hate fantasy. If you just hate the genre, don't bother, because you'll enter with disdain and will never finish. If you're willing to believe in a little magic, however, this will be one of the most beautiful books you ever read. A little too emotionally heavy for a beach read, it's great for rainy days or late nights. Short chapters make it an adaptable novel: it moves at a brisk enough pace that one can sit and read for hours, or just pick it up for a few minutes. The plot is linear and directed: if not read in a sitting, it won't be forgotten.

Rating: Overall: A

Plot: B+

Pacing: A-

Characterization: A+

Never Let Me Go - Kazuo Ishiguro

Genre: Lit: Dystopic

Awards: Booker nomination

First Line: My name is Kathy H.

Best Line: We still had that last bit of comfort, thinking one day, when we were grown up, and we were free to travel around the country, we could always go and find it again in Norfolk.

Book Blurb: From Booker Prize-winning author Kazuo Ishiguro comes a devastating new novel of innocence, knowledge, and loss. As children, Kathy, Ruth, and Tommy were students at Hailsham, an exclusive boarding school secluded in the English countryside. It was a place of mercurial cliques and mysterious rules -- and teachers were constantly reminding their charges of how special they were.

Now, years later, Kathy is a young woman. Ruth and Tommy have reentered her life, and for the first time she is beginning to look back at their shared past and understand just what it is that makes them so special--and how that gift will shape the rest of their time together.

The Critics say: Praise be to this complex, dystopian novel. Ishiguro keeps secrets throughout, making it difficult for most reviewers to write coherent statements about the book, but there seems to be an overall agreement: the book is an affecting commentary on race, science, and humanity.

I say: Great, quick, easy read. Clearly Ishiguro knows how to write -- he's won the Booker prize for one book, and been short-listed for this one. That being said, this is a modern novel. The language is quick and crisp, the book is relatively short, and quite a page-turner. In fact, I read the entire book in the amount of time it took to travel from Grand Rapids to Chicago by plane (27 minutes), eat lunch (30 minutes) and then board a flight for NYC (1 1/2 hours). A committment, this book is not.

The book begins in a clearly dystopic world. We are greeted by a 31 year old woman, who then proceeds to take us, the reader, through her childhood. About two thirds of the book takes place during her youth, alternating between a mystical, nostalgia-filled look at a boarding school, to a semi-independent living enclave called "The Cottages." We don't know the exact rules of this world until the very end -- in fact, wisely, Ishiguro leaves some parts entirely vague -- just as his characters are not entirely certain of the political structure of their world, neither is the reader.

The writing is at times a bit stilted, and there were definite moments when I didn't buy the female POV. The love story, in particular, seemed written from a man, trying to fit it into a woman's thoughts. The wistful, reflective nature of the book allows that, somewhat, and it is never distracting enough to put the book down.

Recommendation: Pick it up. Read it. Just make certain that you have a long chunk of time open, because once you begin to crack the mystery of Hailsham, you won't want to leave it alone. Light enough to be a beach-read, but lit enough not to embarrass you while waiting for an interview.

Grade: Overall: A-

Plot: A-

Pacing: A

Characterization: B-

Writing: B+

Websites is fun

So, I've known for a few weeks now that our school is phasing out the middle school, so that in three years we'll be just a high school. I thought it was kind of weird that nobody was freaking out. Turns out that nobody was supposed to know -- apparently it was very "hush-hush." Being the freak with a classroom near to the principal -- where apparently, everyone feels the need to have top-secret meetings -- I must have just overheard it at some point. Thinking that everybody knew, I didn't feel compelled to spill the beans.

Surprisingly, nobody was terribly upset. For myself, I kind of went. . .hmm, that's really far away, which is where I plan to be when the actual COMPLETE CONVERSION begins.

Conversation of the day:

Me: Why do you think you're all being held after school?

D: Because we were talking and disruptive during class.

Me: Were you?

E: Because none of us did the do now?

Me: Is that why?

A: Because we were running around the classroom and yelling?

Me: Were all of you doing that?

DH: Because we're all failing?

E: Hey, I'm here, too.

D: How much does your computer cost?

Me: Can we focus here?

A: I think we're all here because you're lonely and need someone to hang out with after school.

Me: I think I can find people I'd rather hang out with.

A: Really? 'Cuz no offense, miss, but you're getting kind of old.

E: It's hard to get men at your age.

You see what I have to deal with on a regular basis?

Other side note: "One Semester of Spanish Spanish love Song" and "Que Hora Es?" are the two best videos on Youtube. if you haven't seen them, check it out. I mean immediately.

Signing out!

Okay, Serious Post

So I'm looking through the LSDA, checking out different law schools, and now I have a warning for all young men and women currently in college: 

STUDY HARD.

GET GOOD GRADES.

DON'T TAKE ANY GENETICS COURSES.

Because now I'm looking at the median GPAs for people going to the schools that I want to go to and. . .it's not looking good. And don't get me wrong, I'm not looking at Harvard or Yale or anything. . .just every other top ten school. And I fall SQUARELY in the median GPA range. WHich means no guaranteed admission, unless I BEAT on the LSAT.

So am I studying for it? No, of course not. Instead, I am revising a curriculum map. And watching How I Met Your Mother- because it is, get this, LEGENDARY. 

And if you don't understand that last sentence, you must watch the show.

Question of the day: how can a room full of educated people argue LOUDLY about semantics for thirty minutes? Semantics. I am serious.

P.S. - Macs are evil. Ever since I got mine I can't get away from the computer. The screen is so big and beautiful. . .everything is so compact. . .it WORKS.

And I officially just became a bigger dork than even I was earlier. Sigh. Back to work.

What is this???

So I was trolling around on the internet, trying to procrastinate from writing summer assignments for my students, and suddenly google threw this website at me. And I went. . ."HOLLA! It's my old blog!"

So we shall see. Perhaps I will update the blog again. I should. Because I am amazing, and other amazing people should (and must!) want to read about my amazing life.

So I SHOULD make this first (new) post amazing, but all that I did today was sit in a pointless PD. All day long. I wrote half a curriculum map. And continued to bear the brunt of the longest running inside joke of the world. Which isn't even funny.

Not that anyone will read this or know, but. . .NO MORE KABIA JOKES! Jeez.

On a happier note: How I Met Your Mother! Amazing!

Miss you. Random post. Must get back into this. Will get better. Promise.

No Posts???

So I just noticed that none of my posts from this month actually. . .um. . .posted. Which is probably for the best, since some of them were posts you probably would not hav wanted to read.

To sum them up: Jess has been getting in touch with her naughty side, too much of a paycheck going toward alcohol, too many mornings waking up with strange men in the house, and too many bars.

And that paragraph sounded way worse than the earlier posts. Oh well, too much trouble to fix it.

A few updates of quick scenes from my school that help you see what it's like to teach in NYC:

Principal: Ms, may I speak to you for a moment?
Me: Sure. What's up?
Principal: I need you to rearrange your students based on Spanish speaking ability.
Me: Um. . .I already did that.
Principal: YOu only gave me four names to change. That's not enough.
Me: those are the only students who need to be changed to 801.
Principal: Find more students to change.
Me: Um. . .okay. . .

Ms. E: Excuse me. Excuse me, teacher!
Me: Yes?
Ms E: I need to borrow two of your students right now.
Me: They're taking a test. THey need to stay here.
Ms E: Only for a few minutes. Sade and Taray, come here.
Me: seethe. . .
TWO HOURS LATER
Me: Excuse me, Ms. E, I need to borrow three of your students.
MS E: I am in the middle of my class.
Me: This will just take a minute. Adam, Camelia, Jovan, I need to speak to you in the hall for a moment.
ACJ: What's up, miss?
Me: Nothing. Having fun in Ms. E's class?
ACJ: No. We hate her.
Me: Here, let's go get a drink from the pop machine downstairs.

Girls: OMG! Miss! Miss! Who's that in the hallway?
Me: That's Mr. Nerenberg. He teaches theater.
Girls: OMG, he looks like Patrick Dempsey.

Ms. M: Do you have kids, Ms. Delaney?
Me: Choking on sandwich. . .

Principal: I"ll be giving out professional period instructions. Ms. Delaney, you'll be a teacher mentor
Me: Um. . .it's my first year.
Principal: I'm aware that you are new to the school, but you're still one of our more veteran teachers.
Me: No. . .it's my first year. I've never taught. I'm supposed to GET a mentor, not be one.
Principal: Oh. Really?



But I love the kids, I love the staff, and I mostly like the job. So silly anecdotals like those above. . .they just ad to the charm, right?

Now, let's see if this one actually posts.