Taking A Bite Out of the Big Apple

Well, I'm here now, officially and permanently. New York, the City that Never Sleeps (actually, that might be Las Vegas or something, though it certainly applies here as well). Let me tell you one thing--it's stressful.

Of course, that is mostly due to the fact that I still have nowhere to live. Not entirely true: I have a lease starting July 1, it's just the interim with which I struggle. At the moment I am holed up in a friend's apartment, which is fine, but overall an inconvenience for her, and I feel slightly terrible about it. Tomorrow I go and check out a few sublets that have gotten in contact with me.

Two interviews Monday morning and the beginning of classes Tuesday. I still haven't decided how I feel about everything. I almost cried at the airport today, which would have been a first for me. It's just difficult to deal with a permanent move away. I don't live in Grand Rapids anymore--that isn't my home at all. And it's not like going to school, when I know that I'll be home for breaks, and when summers (potentially) would include home visits. I'm gone, far away, and suddenly getting back to my family is either a $300 flight or a twelve hour drive.

And a career. Frightening thought. Not just a job ordering around freshman and occassionally deep frying potatoes, but a real career complete with benefits, a union, and a salary. I think I'm ready for that. I'm just not sure I"m ready for everything else.

Except that everything else isn't anything new. I've lived with roommates before, in a city away from home. I've taken college classes. I've paid bills and rent. So why does this feel different?

And that, I think, is the New York experience. This city is unlike anything I've ever experienced. It's a city of strangers, which both fascinates and repels me. There's no connection here, and yet, at the same time, there is this great feeling of togetherness. We are separate yet we are one, and yes, I know how cheesy that sounds.

It's so big, and so overwhelming in many ways, yet also very accessible. I think it's mostly the division of wealth that drives me crazy. That I will stand on the subway beside a Hispanic construction worker from Queens, a black businessman from Brooklyn, a white thespian from Manhattan, and a black/hispanic family from the Bronx. On the subway everyone is equal, but the further into Manhattan you go the more white people are on the train, while the further into the Bronx the deeper the skin color gets.

It's annoying and it's irritating, and it's wrong. And what is worse, anyone that I've spoken with from my socio-economic status (ie white, upper middle class) always goes "well, things are gentrifying, it's getting better, but it's still not safe" as though race is the determining factor. There's something so wrong about the way Manhattanites are willing to believe theirs is the only part of the city that counts.

Also, air pollution. Bad. I miss fresh air, and I've only been here a few hours.

We'll see how things go when I start school, and move to my permanent place. Our apartment in Woodlawn is adorable--an Irish-Italian Catholic neighborhood (I should fit right in!) with plenty of trees and small stores. And, in theory at least, my work could be incredibly fulfilling--helping to erase the academic divide, etc. But here's the truth--I don't think I will ever be a New Yorker. Maybe, anything is possible, maybe I will come to love the city, but I find that difficult to believe. I find it more likely that I will finish the program, and then promptly move back to Michigan. Detroit maybe, or even Grand Rapids (ehhhhh). Or maybe Washington DC.

That's what she said. Or, that's what I say, and there's nothing more to it, really. Next post, in theory, should be a book review. Perhaps Little Children.

-J